Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
10 am to 8 pm
BOX 13 ArtSpace
open studios and gallery
6700 Harrisburg (77011)
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
i am currently working on a piece abstracted from a visual in my mind of a mama pig being suckled. thinking once again about the infantile nature of our wanting and taking...that big sucking sound i hear...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
as did the piece clawing for eden. A big thank you to Hector, Jaime and Michael as well as the City of Nuevo Laredo for the opportunity.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
to hear a melody and set the notes down for a string quartet (to make), is to affirm meaning, despite all the ambiguities and tragedies and misunderstanding which surrounds usMadeleine L'Engle
you must once and for all give up being worried about successes and failures. Don't let that concern you. It's your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite quietly, to be prepared for mistakes, which are inevitable, and for failures.Tchekov
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
that i am
brave to fight my terror
that i am
forthright to fight my hypocrisy
this feels right and then they asked about my rebellion and i don't know the answer. i do know that i rebel. but i think all these concepts/feelings/behaviors tie together bravery and terror, forthrightness and hypocrisy. they seem to be both the light and dark side of my rebellion. i say dark and light because some rebellion is needed, is good, especially in our culture which as a whole distracts, diverts and pacifies us from actually paying attention to what is happening around us--so that we do not rebel. so rebellion in me is needed, but it also is destructive when i rebel against good things within me and others, when i rebel as a defense from an imaginary foe.
am i rebellious to fight artificial constructs of oppression both culturally and within my self?
am i rebellious to hide my fear, my terror?
where does my rebellion come from?
how do i use it for good? how do i stop using it as a shield, a deflection, against others and myself?
It's all a front, a great big game of pretend
inside we are terribly scared
inside we are terribly sad
inside we are terribly afraid
we found a way to cover our fears
we found a way to cover our sadness
we found a way not to have to cry
to always pretend that we are certain
to always pretend that we are right
to always pretend that we are in control
to always pretend that we understand
but we know better inside
but at this point we have almost begun to believe the lie ourselves
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
that i loved deeply and had rich friendships
that i helped others find deeper meaning on their own paths
that i was not afraid to laugh or cry
that i knew joy
that i was not afraid of hardship and change
yes and from my rocking chair i would still like to be making art and writing and mentoring and loving, but not in isolation but that i would be connected to others, to myself, to god
that i took time to walk, to feel the sun on my face
that i gave myself in love
that i gently and givingly held my love with care
that i did not hoard my love, energy, mind, or soul
that i had gratitude for both the gifts and hardships
that as i rock i would still be able to breathe in joy, know connection
art is important but it is nothing in comparison to love and life
so what is my BHAG (big hairy audacious goal)
to love richly and givingly
Monday, November 03, 2008
i continue to look at the role of making, writing, mentoring and loving in my life. and looking at how to grow in the areas that have atrophied and trust the areas that are strong.
quoting from my own journey into becoming ...
I have reached that space in life where my strength of ego and self-will allow me, draw me, to take the risk of “becoming.” Becoming who I am, not that self defined by “shoulds.” Change is difficult. Self sabotage common. Yet, I am moving into that self that has been simmering below my surface for a very long time.-----I am consumer, lover of stuff.
I am female, pink appeals.
I am forty-four, decay has begun.
I am visual, language challenged.
I am seeker, life teaches.
I am designer, anally fixated.
I am watcher, society astounds.
I am pattern seer, micro macro, macro micro.
I am dysfunction, I function.
I am spiritual, Christ calls.
I am tactile, let me touch it.
I am American, arrogance assumed.
This surfaced self binds together the fragments of my many selves into a unit, into a whole. And as I step into this whole/fragmented self...I find myself. Deep satisfaction. Maturation.
My should self has never known passion. My ... self has been safe. An electric current of fear courses through me as passion moves to the forefront. Art informs my design. Design informs my art. AND ALL THESE GOD USES TO INFORM AND TRANSFORM MY LIFE. I step to the edge of change and waiver there. The safe and unsafe are merging and I am becoming. (2005)
As scared as I am of my dreams and to move away from safety, I cannot allow myself to be swallowed by fear. It is no longer an option to be paralyzed by fear, it is no longer an option to allow my roots to remain thirsty, but i must also understand that within myself the cultivation of emotional capital to change requires more than a week or two and i must be willing to do the work.
NOT TO BE SAFE
I step to the edge of change and wavier there until my own demons pull me back. No. I choose to follow them back. I give myself over. Change is screaming to me and I know it is what I need, what I want. What I CRAVE!
Simultaneously, the lure of safe sameness calls to me, beckoning me back from the edge, yet I find that my toes curl tightly to this edge. I am stretched, torn, yet, I am not returning to the safe sameness! I will process the fear, redirect it. I am not beating my head on the same wall, or at least it looks different, feels different...is different?
What is not different are the demons. They are not new. Every time I step into/toward change, they approach me—steal my thoughts, riveting them on old fears. I require, demand, to push through, not to give in, NOT TO BE SAFE.
I have chosen not to dream, but now they break over me in a rushing onslaught. Not the dream of sleep have I fled, but the dream of future-casting. And now I taste the dream rolling across the back of my tongue and it scares the hell out of me! (2006)
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Saturday, November 01, 2008
- MAKING allows me to discover things
about my world and self that would
otherwise remain submerged and unattainable;
it brings me joy, dirt and laughter
- MENTORING (teaching) gets me outside of myself,
teaches me, helps me unlearn what doesn't belong;
it brings me delight and purpose
- WRITING connects me through silence to my self,
God, the world and others; helps me remember
who I am and am becoming and how i fit;
it brings me faith; it reveals my wounds;
it opens me
- LOVING fills my body and soul,
it connects my fragments of being
it gives me the desire to both give and receive;
it strengthens me; it brings me hope.
*eating refers to the daily details of things i need to do in order to have food, shelter and such.