this all sounds quite pathetic to me. i would love to have a clear direction for my tug, tugging. each vocational change has built on the one before, but never replicated (amen), each has been a pretty definite shift yet built upon what i had already gained. my aptitudes, education and experiences are culturally valued, unfortunately this is not mimicked fiscally (oh those dang maslow hierarchy of needs). so honestly i need a total mid century plus one reboot.
here is what i do know -- i love making but it is not enough, i thrive on writing but it is not enough, i am fascinated with the creative and contemplative process and thresholds, i am endlessly curious about how we operate as humans and herds, and i am compelled to feel like whatever i do has some cultural/people relevance...a purpose larger than myself. men muddle this for me. well all of two, not like there is a long string except temporaly, or i am well versed in the intrecracies. the muddling is my own because i've a tendency to slip underwing and hover there, it feels safe. alas it really isn't in either case for me. for now i need to figure a path to blend these less touchy feely things that hold me -- making, writing, process, thresholds, agency and operants, research and purpose benefiting other. and so that is the task at hand.