the translation of experience into space, experience into story. just snippets not trying to be whole, simply one frame, one moment, most probably even a single view point, how it feels, where it moves me or holds me still, and then on to the next. no attempt to be sequential, no attempt to translate your truth...oh that isn't right. i spend a huge portion of my head and heart time in trying to perceive from shoes not my own. it would be best if i really learned how to wear my own foot stink or focus on a good scrubbing of my own with a touch of pink applied. actually i am highly in tune with the finest of nuances of my own stink, where it emanates from, how it envelops and alters my small truth end realities, how it impedes, drives away. i get it. i also know the internal strength, competence and odd grace booted up in my gait and my crooked smile. i suck at arm candy, i am no trinket, i am a bit goober, and seek an uncovering. skimming the surface holds no allure. i need purpose and depth even if it is an illusion. I need to muck around in growing, in changing, an odd balance thresholded between being and becoming.
translating experience into space, experience into story, these seem to hold the depthy purposeful need i crave. i think relationships should have this too. i struggle with the surface of the friendlies. i have had a lot of friendlies. they come; they go with a click of an email. i realize i should hold the time with the friendlies in a way that might burgeon into something else. i tend to shut down in those initial phases. somehow friends are quite different than friendlies, a tethering not easily out grown.
two topics. one the need to translate my lived experience into real space, into written story and how it relates to purpose, to calling, to vocation; two, my struggle with the untethered slowness of the friendlies. all this boils down to direction. i am ok spinning my wheels but i'd like the resistance of traction and forward motion. i get to it, but it slips away. i am getting to it.
and then there is the idea of dream and future casting. how does one cast an untethered line?