sometimes I am so stupid.

my bad. in a moment of weakness (which I don't really consider weakness. but it feels like it) I truthfully "liked" something from my tribal past. shouldn't have revealed myself. it was removed. fb glitchiness (which definitely happens) or people glitchiness (also which definitely happens). i will never know which. my historical self would assume the former no matter the evidence; now i've learned to accept (not really) the latter as equally a reality. undisclosed internal effect has followed because no matter the internal rational against it, i have experienced it as the latter. this again is another reminder to not reveal my heart again to people who choose to remain in the closing crushing waters of my history, my Egypt. I hate the mantra that now lives in my soul--close and protect, close and protect. it is so opposite to how I used to be wired, seems wrong to me, it grates me, unsettles me, hurts me, is a death of sorts, but I see me living this mantra out. and my hermitage becomes all the more lovely with its microcosm of forest and deer and hawk pods. I stand within its edges, holding as still as possible to let it wash over and through me. there will be manna again tomorrow.

responsibility?

in dreams begins responsibility
William Butler Yeats

where there is no vision, the people perish.
Solomon

I can see how this rings true. in areas of my life where, for whatever reason, there was no vision, steps, investments, were not known how to be made to move that way for there simply was not a that way. to live through tomorrow is not a dream, not a vision. it is a barely holding on, a just surviving. and though i may die tomorrow or the next, thriving forward comes in the dreams and visions of future casting. even with the slightest, faintest of vision, dream steps, even baby ones, can be taken.

no dreams or vision for the future of calling, purpose and relationships leads to a kind of death because when the time comes one is not ready/prepared to arrive into that vision or survive the storms that may come before, during or after the dreams fruition.

I wholeheartedly agree that in dreams begins responsibility and that without vision the people, I, perish.

I will awaken to dream--am getting up.
I will listen for vision--am inclining my head.
And, whether with a limp, shuffle, or bound,
am moving toward that which creates, unbinds and enlivens.
And, whether with a jolt, wrench, or ease of gentle morn,
am moving away from that which tranquilizes,  deafens and deadens.