Friday, October 30, 2009

Fuzzy eggs

Back to "real" drawing. Ok well at least the kind of experimentation that appeals to me.

Here students are playing with 2d texture by drawing with non art objects (like combs, rubberbands, leaves, etc) while drawing eggs.

Did my teaching duty

On teaching perspective.


Monday, October 26, 2009

N.R. Sued for malpractice

To the tune of two hundred million dollars for alledgedly failing to work in her clients best interest. I assume it is a frivolous case grasping for funds, but none the less it is a case launched out of a sense of perceived failure to accurately and timely communicate with her client, in her clients' best interest.

Reference: Houston chronicle.

The stones

A helpful poem about where you belong.

But interestingly it was the phrase
the stones of your dreams
that jumps off the page for me
I think it is the ambiguity of the word stones--millstones, stones for throwing, Stones that break bones, foundational stones, corner stone, stones that sit in the pit of ones stomach

and the lines
The energy of delight will
carry you home

because they seem so counter to how I have lived yet this delight is throughout the primary text that is significant to me in guiding me on my path.

Friday, October 23, 2009

"barns burnt down...I can see the moon"

sitting out back eating chili and drinking a diet coke in the crisp
early eve.

just some thoughts on some re-reading

sex differences:
do they influence the way you respond
to deep wounding within a partnership?

difference 1
women try to preserve (maybe we can work it out)
men turn and run (don't bother to come back)

difference 2
women get depressed
men get angry

difference 3
women feel inadequate as a companion
men feel inadequate as a lover

difference 4
women obsess
men distract themselves

not my words, simply something i've read and have experienced it to be so on many fronts, not just this painful year but for a long time in many different ways

i can't decide if this is helpful to me or not. perhaps only in knowing i guess things play out in patterns

reference for 1-4 from authors Janis Abrams Spring, phd, with Michael Spring

Thursday, October 22, 2009

bone crushing burden of judging

The proBlem with remaining open is that it leAves me vulnerable, it leaves me exposed; but worse, for me, would be to close over and become hard, deaf, mute, and withdrawn. For me openness is what I need no matter others' behaviors. some would say i am hard, deaf, and/or withdrawn, but i have never stopped listening, i have not stopped working through what i heard and hear.

Yet I find when I run into certain people whom judged me harshly from an alienated distance and have advised others in how I should be dealt with, my first reaction is a physical rigidity. I must then work through conscious efforts of my own to release my reactionary judgment of them. It is very hard to remain open and not to protect and respond with reciprocal pecking order judgments of my own.

It is burdensome to judge others, far more so than it is to be judged. I shall try to carry the light load of others judgment on my soul while I set down the bone crushing burdening of judging them in return.

even the light load of judgment tends to be bone crushing when one is on bended knee.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Somethings don't change--I keep believing that others' goodness will out weigh their shadows. And as I do, I beat my head on the same wall, believing that goodness is more real than malice, more real than historical hurts, more real than secret shadows. i choose to believe goodness and mercy reside there as well.

I work to look past the visible; I continue to work at walking and gifting mercy, goodness, and forgiveness. So I focus on opening and listening.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

how to hug a tire tube when you're tired (and dirty)

first put your big mama staple gun in your pocket (this requires big pockets as every woman should have) lest the tube flee in fright and then reach and ...

installing the fracture between us yawns as a cavern so wide, i close my eyes to feel the bruise of soul at lonestar college kingwood last week for the exhibition i breathe (or at least i try)
...and then cleaning up a bit

ladder will help give you a sense of scale

pics shot by students of kingwood and stolen from their blog

Stop stepping in it and
remember, kathy,
you are not a doormat either

...instead, kathy, keep bringing your focus and actions back to mercy, kindness, forgiveness, blessing and being open to God's lead, all else is crap. stop stepping in it and don't be the doormat on which it is wiped either.

Crisp morning sunrise

Friday, October 16, 2009

i hear the words as they are piled on top of me

i hear the words
mounded high on my bones
set aside in silence

they are silently repeated
just in case i cannot feel
their crushing weight

i hear the words echo
i sift them as i can
set aside what i am able
for the distortion
i know them to be

but because i habitually listen
habitually ponder
they climb back on
in their repetitive repetition
and as they were intended
they make their crushing blow and
just in case i had not been
on bended knee from my fall
they shove me down
with their intention

of course i carry these words
words which tell me who i am

they are not new words
strapped upon my back
i have carried their weight
for two decades now
believing them so long and
when i began to see through them
to see them for what
they were and are
they are repeated
lest i forget
who i have been told
i am to be

not new words
not mine
not me

i cannot carry them
bent knee or not
i cannot bear them
i cannot bare them
as you would have of me

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Laugh or cry

Ha! My exhibition is apparently being advertised in public toilet
stalls. Don't say it, I can already hear what your thinking so loudly

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lunch break; tired back; then, back to it

Installing at Kingwood college; opening Thursday 5:30-7:30; artist
talk at 6:30
Come see.

Head west on ten, then north on 59, and west on Kingwood drive, north
at first stop sign, find some parking and head to student center/

I guess I am

Done installing this one. Henry Moore says that early in a sculptors career they tend to work shallow. I can see this in terms of not resolving my work in all three dimensions, meaning certain sides of this piece work and then other fees are a bit ify.


And it is so dang heavy. Of only I were a painter

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Things bolted to walls

No injuries except minor art inflictions and no rain during transport. Lots of sore backs and everyone will probably pop an aleve or two or something stronger.

There is a hole in my studio

it went from this

to this...stripped down scaffolding sans steel and 800 pds of tubes

Saturday, October 10, 2009

More boards completed

Tomorrow morning everything gets hauled to the gallery and through a
33 inch doorway. We'll see won't we.

...if you can (a poem by a.r. ammons)

...if you can
send no word silently healing, I

mean if it is not proper or realistic
to send word, actual lips saying

these broken sounds, why, may we be
allowed to suppose that we can work

this stuff out the best we can and
having felt out our sins to their

deepest definitions, may we walk with
you as along a line of trees, every

now and then your clarity and warmth
shattering across our shadowed way:

(a poem by a.r. ammons)

Quantum weirdness

So like human weirdness.

Our understanding of one another is so limited by the way we measure, the way we interpret, the box we put the other in; we often loose sight of the beauty of the multidimensional gifted light within the other. And it is there; it does not just stop or go away.

What is scary, is not the one we try to box, but the box itself and how it impacts the other and the tester. it leaves no room for the healing light, it leaves no room to move in new ways for tested and tester.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

30 horizontal feet of chalkboards; 6 more to go

for upcoming solo exhibition
i breathe (or at least i try)

artist talks and reception:
thursday, october 15, 6:30 pm (5:30 - 7:00 pm)
monday, october 19, 12:45 pm (12:30 - 2 pm)

gallery hours 10:30 am - 5 pm
closes november, 13

lonestar college, kingwood campus
20000 kingwood drive
sfa building

indoor gallery and outdoor public works

Monday, October 05, 2009

not enough boards; i did not make enough to even begin. dang

still have 3 boards left; need to write smaller and obliterate more; not really meant for reading. each board is 3' x 8'. i made 11 or 12 boards, most need more text, 3 are still blank and await.

these aren't really meant to be read; that is why the image is the size it is and you can be sure that enough is obliterated in this stitched together image that you will probably read into them in a way that distorts the actual content.

is goodness and mercy in not defending?

is goodness and mercy in not defending?
is giving goodness and mercy about revealing truth through defense?
how do i give mercy?
what does that look like?
how do i be wise?
how do i gift goodness?
how does that all fit into truth?
it really isn't about assets and for me it never has been.
i am told it IS about assets by his lawyer but i don't understand that.
i never have. it is NOT about assets;
it is about life and finding God there in the midst.
it is about goodness and mercy in the midst and in spite of sin.
all else is crap; all else is divisive.

so will it be the laws of goodness and mercy, with God in our midst?
or the laws of man in all their decisiveness?

no choice, is a choice.

Trying to write enough to obliterate any accidental remnant

Not there yet. Need to layer up text more

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Sitting in the rain. Just perfect.

Sweet. Sitting at my wooden industrial dowel table, just under the patio umbrella which just slightly screens the drops and adds an extra reverberation to the audible pattern, while I cut and fold metal wire. Wonderful.

"barns burnt i can see the moon"

i've begun scratching out the text for obliteration

detail of 8' x 3' chalkboard.

More boards primed for erasure

of words that make one an "accidental" associate, a mere, simple, "legal remnant" ready for discard. So I prime more boards to eventually erase, pretending their content is of no human value or containing any inherent dignity.

When there is love and wounding; when there is faith and hopelessness, why is it that we choose to believe that it is the act of wounding and despair that is real and that the love and faith are unreal, falsehoods. We discount and cast aside love saying it was not real, that it was a manifestation of guilt or some other malady; and, we reject the gift of love as being false and not to be trusted. We discount and cast aside the others faith as well, saying, it was not real, it was a manifestation of a vicarious experience not true to that soul; and, we reject the faith as being false and claim the other as standing against or having turned away. We latch on to the despair and the wounding and we reject gifts of love and gifts of faith as falsehoods and we carry our rejections into a prolonged future.

It is easier to blame and punish, then accept gifts of love and faith in spite of wounding and despair; it is easier to believe the other is a "scary and untrustworthy" soul then believe in the goodness, gentleness, love and faith that resides there in the other. It is easier to blame the other and reject healing or reconciliation.

So I prepare to be erased for being a mere incidental remnant because of the wounding and despair.

Yet i choose to believe in the gifts of love and faith I have received in spite of the wounding and despair; I choose to believe that the goodness is as deep and real or even more real, more valid then the acts of despair both in myself and in the other.

And all with no spell check.

the primer is dry. so now i paint the primed boards to receive words of life and death; love and wounding; faith and despair; the remnant of each good thing record there will be erased, rejected as false, untrustworthy, and far too scary to be reconciled (as reiterated by the consensus); thus, the ways of man are followed and played out in the courtroom no matter the expense and in no ones best interest.

how many times

"... do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"

Matthew 18:21-35
A poor man pleads for mercy, but a rich man answers harshly.
Proverbs 18:23