Monday, February 25, 2013
wind howling
strip it down to the three things undergird four
focus to build
the THREE that under gird
authenticity, connection, kindness
the FOUR that just are
loving, writing, making, mentoring
I see the gaps
the pragmatics
the rubber the street
boot straps
pulling
right down to rebuild of digital losses grrr my stolen tech
and one arm juggling
do it differently
envision
ready set go
what, what, what
no more dad dopty (dog) sitting
she'll be so disappointed
the THREE that under gird
authenticity, connection, kindness
the FOUR that just are
loving, writing, making, mentoring
I see the gaps
the pragmatics
the rubber the street
boot straps
pulling
right down to rebuild of digital losses grrr my stolen tech
and one arm juggling
do it differently
envision
ready set go
what, what, what
no more dad dopty (dog) sitting
she'll be so disappointed
Friday, February 22, 2013
Ketch ok
if you've stumbled upon my art journal, ketch ok, in Houston I would love to have it back. it was snatched when my backpack with all my tech in it was stolen. figure it was tossed out so it might randomly reappear.
pretty please.
oh. if you happen to find my laptop and ipad, I would gladly have those back as well.
pretty please.
oh. if you happen to find my laptop and ipad, I would gladly have those back as well.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Cut the Crap.
reading Cut the Crap by Jill Carroll. So here goes my top ten to top five to top three core values. dang. Text suggests anything not directly consistently aligned with top three are probably areas of crap in my life. Concur. Interesting that in my previous internal mucking around to get at who I am and what I want based on my hard and soft wiring, I got to four key items to who I am and what I need--loving, mentoring, writing, and making. Within verbiage Jill's, I get to authenticity, connection, and kindness. it is clear to me that these three directly under gird my four perhaps at an even more fundamental level.
TOP 10
peace
security
spirituality
authenticity
community
gratitude
responsibility
creativity
connection
kindness
TOP 5
security
spirituality
authenticity
connection
kindness
to TOP 3
authenticity
connection
kindness
TOP 10
peace
security
spirituality
authenticity
community
gratitude
responsibility
creativity
connection
kindness
TOP 5
security
spirituality
authenticity
connection
kindness
to TOP 3
authenticity
connection
kindness
Monday, February 04, 2013
back to home renovations
nice to have time to be making forward motion on the hermitage! equally sweet, I've donned my old running gear and am running the back roads of my hood. sweet feeling.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of)
plus source writings
Art League Houston
Exhibition January 18-March 8, 2013
OPENING JANUARY 18, 6-11 PM
Artist Talk 6:30 pm
Kathryn Kelley
Installation title
The uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of)
Two primary portions of the installation
I dissolve my fabricated seatings
deconstructed domestic thresholds [doors]. 2013.
The barren plains of back turned could have beens [monsters in the attic]
Remnant rubber, baling wire, deconstructed domestic thresholds [doors]. 2012-13
INSTALLATION SOURCE WRITINGS [Kathryn Kelley]
it whispers my name
as the ache
swells in me
there is a splintering
at the horizon of today
fragments of yesterday
and tomorrow
and i listen at this abyss
as the beyond beckons me
with its urgency and passion
i open my splintered self to it
and it whispers
my name
naming me with its soul quieting sounds of stillness
faintly the remembered wind whispers
naming me with its soul quieting
sounds of stillness
it gently touches flutteringly with its caress
across my dried salt streaked cheeks and
as i allow it, the space opens to me
even from yesterday and before tomorrow
lips blow breath far into my future
carrying me from the weight of another
wound filled thought
whispering comfort to me even now
lifting from me my mountain, my seas
as i sit still in this weightless moment
with tendrilled strands gently
stirring the surface of my face
my fingers hushed and dirty with making
i carry the wind this autumn day
I dissolve my fabricated seatings
I have this table
bare laid built of soul
one where I repeatedly
in my recesses
draw those I love
I have them here
against their spoken wills
as I awaken I latch on to their stay
naked in heart speaking pleading
I hear my own whines
they pushed back a bit ago
not righting their chairs
nor to draw up again
yet their memory flattened
I strap upon these seatings not their own
this morning with usual effort
i dissolve these fabricated chair seatings
with straps of intimate mind musings
i set afresh the table
spilling it with sun risen scents
of just turned soils
i glide my hands
furrowing rich long runners
where water from spilled crystal
seeps still and the sun's glance
splinters gracefully
across
i flare my nostrils
with the fertile ripeness
await in acceptance of unacceptance
listening even now again
for the ever drifting scents
of the emergent
i dissolve these fabricated chair seatings
with my hands deep amid turned soil
again
will i continue to prepare my internal ground
for the day I leap, fall or trip over
the edge of my unreadiness.
counter to much of my research into both mainline faith and non-faith based psychobabble and spirituality, i simply believe that forgiveness, giving and receiving, is simply not solely an internal work within the self for the benefit of...the self.
a reduction of hostility is not forgiveness; it is simply an abatement of hostility within…the self.
tolerance is not forgiveness; it is simply the edge of the abyss of hatred.
whether falling into or climbing out of, tolerance is simply a standing at the edge of an emotional abyss within...the self.
a mental no longer holding against is not forgiveness; it is simply a letting go within...the self.
no longer needing to proclaim the other’s offense is not forgiveness; it is simply a subsiding in the need to profess one's deep woundedness. it is a slow settling within…the self.
an internal empathy, an understanding, of/for another's real or perceived offense is not forgiveness;
it is simply an internal expansion of compassion within...the self.
the diminishing of vivid emotions is not forgiveness; it is simply a waning of memory, and/or a waning of negative energy within...the self.
moving on in one's life is not forgiveness; it is simply moving on for...the self.
to stop punishing another or one’s self is not forgiveness; it is simply an abatement in the pursuit of the punitive.
silence is not forgiveness; it is simply withheld words.
the passage of time is not forgiveness (and does not heal); it is simply the ticking clock in which memory fades within... the self.
words are not forgiveness; they are simply empty vessels, symbols, vehicles to potentially carry amazing, mundane, or hurtful meaning.
many of these things are good and necessary. in them is the preparation of the ground within, yes, the self. from this ground is the place in which forgiveness to be given, to be received, may spring.
forgiveness is not just an ego-centrical work, it is far more, far harder, far more powerful, far scarier.
it would be nice to believe that forgiveness is simply an internal work--that is safe, it is easier to hold onto than the truly frightening work of forgiveness. faith based and non-faith based psycho/spiritual babble would like to tickle my ears with forgiveness as purely an internal work, a work of self improvement, self health, spiritual obedience. that is incomplete and rings with the sounds of hollow clanging cymbals.
i realize there are some exceptions. there are truly some people who forgiveness may only play out internally and it is a hard, powerful work in its own unique way. as much as many of us would like to believe because of our enormous hurt and fear that we are in the realm of the exception, that forgiveness can only be an internal work, it simply is not true.
forgiveness is very hard work. it is hugely risky for its pursuit and outcome can not be predicted. it is actually quite uncommon. i like to believe we are a forgiving people, but most things i/we claim as forgiveness are simply the forerunner, necessary but incomplete in and of themselves. most of stop with one or more of these internal forerunners because it is socially acceptable. others pat you or i on the back for being such a tolerant, forgiving person. we’ll feel like we are a little better for and we'll walk away. yet if we are honest with ourselves, we know we have begun the work it hangs half finished. we know.
when i am old, i will regret the incompleteness, the loss of opportunity, the absence of things that may have played out differently if i'd found my way to walk more fully into forgiveness. yet with that age, I will be merciful with and forgive myself for the incapacities and lack of courage in my woundings. i will be kind with my regrets. perhaps if the other still lives, we will find the courage to workout forgiveness.
forgiveness is a terribly uneasy work. it is scary. it is risky. it alters the path of those involved. it changes the future. it softens the blows of memory.
what will forgiveness really bring? i do not know for it is not to be controlled or predicted. it cannot be manipulated. i can hope for goodness it might bring; but it may not bring goodness? will the process of forgiveness heal or rip open? bring peace or conflict? subside pain or increase? calm or expand anxiety? alter future courses or hold steady? ease memory or harden it? change relationships or lock them down? build something new or replicate the old? sever or create bridges? open me to compassion or close me in? mercy or coldness? love or tolerance? will it move me out of our self or into? will it create humility or pride filled? open or defensive? strip falseness away or create more? expose a more whole truth or diminish it? will it create hope or dash it? will it open eyes or close them? will it give, take away or both? will it move me closer to the divine or distance us? will i only be more frightened or brave? more at risk or safer? more codependent or interdependent? more doormatish or welcoming?
what does forgiveness bring? anything? nothing? likely the unknown? is it worth the uneasy internal preparation of our ground of being or not? is it worth following through or not? is the risk worth taking or not? what might forgiveness bring? i do not know for it’s outcome cannot be controlled, managed, predicted or manipulated.
am i doing the work to prepare my internal ground? will i ever be ready enough? probably not. as with most things in my life worth doing, i am never ready enough, smart enough, knowledgeable enough, wise enough, undefensive enough, open enough, loving enough, compassionate enough, healed enough, humble enough, stable enough, silent enough, clearly spoken enough, know myself enough or the other. i am never enough. they will never be enough. i am never ready, i simply leap or have tried and sometimes i don’t even leap. sometimes i get knocked or trip over the edge of my unreadiness. it scares the hell out of me. it scares the hell out of me that i might leap, fall, trip before i am enough, before they are enough. i know when i start to land, i will be glad i got knocked, tripped or lept over the edge of my unreadiness.
i will continue to prepare my internal ground for the day i leap, fall or trip over the edge of my unreadiness? or someone leaps, falls or trips into my unreadiness. yes, preparing my ground is what i think i am and should be doing. it will not be enough, it never will be, but it is all i can do. and forgiveness has never been about being enough; no one is ever enough to forgive or be forgiven.
Exhibition January 18-March 8, 2013
OPENING JANUARY 18, 6-11 PM
Artist Talk 6:30 pm
Kathryn Kelley
Installation title
The uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of)
Two primary portions of the installation
I dissolve my fabricated seatings
deconstructed domestic thresholds [doors]. 2013.
The barren plains of back turned could have beens [monsters in the attic]
Remnant rubber, baling wire, deconstructed domestic thresholds [doors]. 2012-13
INSTALLATION SOURCE WRITINGS [Kathryn Kelley]
it whispers my name
as the ache
swells in me
there is a splintering
at the horizon of today
fragments of yesterday
and tomorrow
and i listen at this abyss
as the beyond beckons me
with its urgency and passion
i open my splintered self to it
and it whispers
my name
naming me with its soul quieting sounds of stillness
faintly the remembered wind whispers
naming me with its soul quieting
sounds of stillness
it gently touches flutteringly with its caress
across my dried salt streaked cheeks and
as i allow it, the space opens to me
even from yesterday and before tomorrow
lips blow breath far into my future
carrying me from the weight of another
wound filled thought
whispering comfort to me even now
lifting from me my mountain, my seas
as i sit still in this weightless moment
with tendrilled strands gently
stirring the surface of my face
my fingers hushed and dirty with making
i carry the wind this autumn day
I dissolve my fabricated seatings
I have this table
bare laid built of soul
one where I repeatedly
in my recesses
draw those I love
I have them here
against their spoken wills
as I awaken I latch on to their stay
naked in heart speaking pleading
I hear my own whines
they pushed back a bit ago
not righting their chairs
nor to draw up again
yet their memory flattened
I strap upon these seatings not their own
this morning with usual effort
i dissolve these fabricated chair seatings
with straps of intimate mind musings
i set afresh the table
spilling it with sun risen scents
of just turned soils
i glide my hands
furrowing rich long runners
where water from spilled crystal
seeps still and the sun's glance
splinters gracefully
across
i flare my nostrils
with the fertile ripeness
await in acceptance of unacceptance
listening even now again
for the ever drifting scents
of the emergent
i dissolve these fabricated chair seatings
with my hands deep amid turned soil
again
will i continue to prepare my internal ground
for the day I leap, fall or trip over
the edge of my unreadiness.
counter to much of my research into both mainline faith and non-faith based psychobabble and spirituality, i simply believe that forgiveness, giving and receiving, is simply not solely an internal work within the self for the benefit of...the self.
a reduction of hostility is not forgiveness; it is simply an abatement of hostility within…the self.
tolerance is not forgiveness; it is simply the edge of the abyss of hatred.
whether falling into or climbing out of, tolerance is simply a standing at the edge of an emotional abyss within...the self.
a mental no longer holding against is not forgiveness; it is simply a letting go within...the self.
no longer needing to proclaim the other’s offense is not forgiveness; it is simply a subsiding in the need to profess one's deep woundedness. it is a slow settling within…the self.
an internal empathy, an understanding, of/for another's real or perceived offense is not forgiveness;
it is simply an internal expansion of compassion within...the self.
the diminishing of vivid emotions is not forgiveness; it is simply a waning of memory, and/or a waning of negative energy within...the self.
moving on in one's life is not forgiveness; it is simply moving on for...the self.
to stop punishing another or one’s self is not forgiveness; it is simply an abatement in the pursuit of the punitive.
silence is not forgiveness; it is simply withheld words.
the passage of time is not forgiveness (and does not heal); it is simply the ticking clock in which memory fades within... the self.
words are not forgiveness; they are simply empty vessels, symbols, vehicles to potentially carry amazing, mundane, or hurtful meaning.
many of these things are good and necessary. in them is the preparation of the ground within, yes, the self. from this ground is the place in which forgiveness to be given, to be received, may spring.
forgiveness is not just an ego-centrical work, it is far more, far harder, far more powerful, far scarier.
it would be nice to believe that forgiveness is simply an internal work--that is safe, it is easier to hold onto than the truly frightening work of forgiveness. faith based and non-faith based psycho/spiritual babble would like to tickle my ears with forgiveness as purely an internal work, a work of self improvement, self health, spiritual obedience. that is incomplete and rings with the sounds of hollow clanging cymbals.
i realize there are some exceptions. there are truly some people who forgiveness may only play out internally and it is a hard, powerful work in its own unique way. as much as many of us would like to believe because of our enormous hurt and fear that we are in the realm of the exception, that forgiveness can only be an internal work, it simply is not true.
forgiveness is very hard work. it is hugely risky for its pursuit and outcome can not be predicted. it is actually quite uncommon. i like to believe we are a forgiving people, but most things i/we claim as forgiveness are simply the forerunner, necessary but incomplete in and of themselves. most of stop with one or more of these internal forerunners because it is socially acceptable. others pat you or i on the back for being such a tolerant, forgiving person. we’ll feel like we are a little better for and we'll walk away. yet if we are honest with ourselves, we know we have begun the work it hangs half finished. we know.
when i am old, i will regret the incompleteness, the loss of opportunity, the absence of things that may have played out differently if i'd found my way to walk more fully into forgiveness. yet with that age, I will be merciful with and forgive myself for the incapacities and lack of courage in my woundings. i will be kind with my regrets. perhaps if the other still lives, we will find the courage to workout forgiveness.
forgiveness is a terribly uneasy work. it is scary. it is risky. it alters the path of those involved. it changes the future. it softens the blows of memory.
what will forgiveness really bring? i do not know for it is not to be controlled or predicted. it cannot be manipulated. i can hope for goodness it might bring; but it may not bring goodness? will the process of forgiveness heal or rip open? bring peace or conflict? subside pain or increase? calm or expand anxiety? alter future courses or hold steady? ease memory or harden it? change relationships or lock them down? build something new or replicate the old? sever or create bridges? open me to compassion or close me in? mercy or coldness? love or tolerance? will it move me out of our self or into? will it create humility or pride filled? open or defensive? strip falseness away or create more? expose a more whole truth or diminish it? will it create hope or dash it? will it open eyes or close them? will it give, take away or both? will it move me closer to the divine or distance us? will i only be more frightened or brave? more at risk or safer? more codependent or interdependent? more doormatish or welcoming?
what does forgiveness bring? anything? nothing? likely the unknown? is it worth the uneasy internal preparation of our ground of being or not? is it worth following through or not? is the risk worth taking or not? what might forgiveness bring? i do not know for it’s outcome cannot be controlled, managed, predicted or manipulated.
am i doing the work to prepare my internal ground? will i ever be ready enough? probably not. as with most things in my life worth doing, i am never ready enough, smart enough, knowledgeable enough, wise enough, undefensive enough, open enough, loving enough, compassionate enough, healed enough, humble enough, stable enough, silent enough, clearly spoken enough, know myself enough or the other. i am never enough. they will never be enough. i am never ready, i simply leap or have tried and sometimes i don’t even leap. sometimes i get knocked or trip over the edge of my unreadiness. it scares the hell out of me. it scares the hell out of me that i might leap, fall, trip before i am enough, before they are enough. i know when i start to land, i will be glad i got knocked, tripped or lept over the edge of my unreadiness.
i will continue to prepare my internal ground for the day i leap, fall or trip over the edge of my unreadiness? or someone leaps, falls or trips into my unreadiness. yes, preparing my ground is what i think i am and should be doing. it will not be enough, it never will be, but it is all i can do. and forgiveness has never been about being enough; no one is ever enough to forgive or be forgiven.
focus. j-o-b. focus.
i dislike when i make my job first;
it is that time of year though;
i need to make it first;
focus.
i dislike that i allow myself to revolve around my job.
i do love my students;
i do thrive in what i can give;
i am good at what i have to offer.
i just don't like that i allow itto determine such a degree of my well being.
i suppose it is the nature of survival.
focus, ryn, focus. do your job.
----
on a separate note to help me actually not focus but step in to a part of future dream casting, i start in a writing workshop tomorrow night. a part of me says stupid because it is a school night and i am not a night person; another part of me says it is one way to not revolve my world around my j-o-b and to try to step into one of the things god may be calling me to.i think the hard thing about dream casting into the future is that i get my hopes up; i don't know how to cast without a hopefulness; i don't know how to be open, without risk. I hurt me when I make poor decisions that spring from an odd association of risk, trying and openness. sometimes i do the exact opposite of what i should when I am trying too hard. i really don't like being afraid; yet, it is unavoidable.
it is that time of year though;
i need to make it first;
focus.
i dislike that i allow myself to revolve around my job.
i do love my students;
i do thrive in what i can give;
i am good at what i have to offer.
i just don't like that i allow itto determine such a degree of my well being.
i suppose it is the nature of survival.
focus, ryn, focus. do your job.
----
on a separate note to help me actually not focus but step in to a part of future dream casting, i start in a writing workshop tomorrow night. a part of me says stupid because it is a school night and i am not a night person; another part of me says it is one way to not revolve my world around my j-o-b and to try to step into one of the things god may be calling me to.i think the hard thing about dream casting into the future is that i get my hopes up; i don't know how to cast without a hopefulness; i don't know how to be open, without risk. I hurt me when I make poor decisions that spring from an odd association of risk, trying and openness. sometimes i do the exact opposite of what i should when I am trying too hard. i really don't like being afraid; yet, it is unavoidable.
Monday, January 14, 2013
almost ready
the uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of)
Opening Jan 18 from 6 - 11 pm
Artist talk 6:30 pm
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
rebar suspended from ceiling
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
art league houston install process--trailer load two--2 hour load; 2 hour drive; 2 hour unload
done for the day; spent. tomorrow: bend rebar and mount to ceiling, suspend table components from rebar; yay, dinner with my grand girlfriend. Thursday: suspend/drape rubber over wooden A like structures. Friday morning: finish up. :)
opening jan 18 @ 6 pm
artist talk 6:30
art league Houston
show runs through early march.
opening jan 18 @ 6 pm
artist talk 6:30
art league Houston
show runs through early march.
Monday, January 07, 2013
wood unloaded; tubes and rebar tomorrow
unloaded but not yet installed
yay for loading help.:)
opening jan 18 @ 6 pm
artist talk 6:30
art league Houston
show runs through early march.
yay for loading help.:)
opening jan 18 @ 6 pm
artist talk 6:30
art league Houston
show runs through early march.
Friday, January 04, 2013
the three little...understructures plus one
that is not smaller! dang!
at the candy store
perhaps most women my age are in the process of redecorating. pretty sure my afternoon will be spent building in the drizzle. by days end, I am pretty sure my back will be tired, I'll have breathed more saw dust then I like, the Dopt and I will poncho up for a (whispered) a walk, and it will have been a very good day :) it is a shame I never bought sock in Home Depot way back when.
dang. maybe still building a tad to large. :)
dang. maybe still building a tad to large. :)
ha. a side effect of the first four weeks of my E-experience
I have started reading books I hadn't consider. it has simply come about as I have seen various texts mentioned on this or that profile, or repeatedly mentioned across several. I've found each one highly timely and useful in their own way. Some I am reading for the first time, others reskimming, a couple business one's only google book skimmed of the available previews, and some are just downloaded and hovering in my digital library ready to be read. I like this e-byproduct and think if I can manage it with my shifting teaching preps, and my spring venture with a writing workshop, I will try to keep up this impromptu reading plan. in reality, the two most helpful of the set would have to be the dysfunctions of a team (professionally applicable) and those authored by the brain father of e-harmony (personally applicable), perhaps even life altering. not that the material is truly new but it was framed in such away as, "oh that is soooo dead on. I really have to embrace this stuff in actual lived experience..." And I am.
and perhaps all this reading and skimming in the four weeks indicates that I should have listed reading or skimming on my profile. ha. I did not.
other side effects have begun in the arenas of refinement of my internal picker (for friends + mate), exercising of boundaries mostly at a digital level to date, delight, and hopefulness. it has also got me analyzing my life philosophies and seeing where my lived experience and my heart haven't been quite synched up of late (admittedly I have definitely been in an transitional phase--but i have allowed my j-o-b to overshadow everything through fear of base things like food, shelter, aging, etc. i understand this phase to probably be highly normal. that's my story and I am sticking to it). there has been some digital blocks and red flags in this e-experience, I accept it as good because incompatible is incompatible no matter whose side it comes from. even incompatible in one key area could be problematic in terms of the long term. I've really embraced, or would like to believe i have, that incompatible does not negate wonderful on either's part, it simply means not a great match for a mate. I am learning a ton and find this process highly interesting and enjoyable and life giving. the reading is good, as has been the real world results. I've no complaints. I've been treated only with interest and great kindness -- frankly, this has just been good for my soul.
and perhaps all this reading and skimming in the four weeks indicates that I should have listed reading or skimming on my profile. ha. I did not.
other side effects have begun in the arenas of refinement of my internal picker (for friends + mate), exercising of boundaries mostly at a digital level to date, delight, and hopefulness. it has also got me analyzing my life philosophies and seeing where my lived experience and my heart haven't been quite synched up of late (admittedly I have definitely been in an transitional phase--but i have allowed my j-o-b to overshadow everything through fear of base things like food, shelter, aging, etc. i understand this phase to probably be highly normal. that's my story and I am sticking to it). there has been some digital blocks and red flags in this e-experience, I accept it as good because incompatible is incompatible no matter whose side it comes from. even incompatible in one key area could be problematic in terms of the long term. I've really embraced, or would like to believe i have, that incompatible does not negate wonderful on either's part, it simply means not a great match for a mate. I am learning a ton and find this process highly interesting and enjoyable and life giving. the reading is good, as has been the real world results. I've no complaints. I've been treated only with interest and great kindness -- frankly, this has just been good for my soul.
ok 13' high for the art league may be a bit much...
but the wood was free (thank you JoAnn) and I would like to upcycle it into another project later so I didn't even consider cutting it. but 13' tall may be a bit much for the gallery. dang. I think I need the CAM for space :D though my microforest makes everything look small.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
brrrrrouchy
as fast as I am wearing through these gloves, I've got to marvel that I still have finger tips since I typically work gloveless. and brrrrrr on my wimpy response to the cold. I am bundled up like the Michellin Man which makes stitching rubber and such for upcoming show slow going. sometime soon I've got to decide whether to build an indoor studio to take the edge off. brrrr.
Monday, December 31, 2012
good late afternoon for debris reduction
long day of playing upon return to the micro forest and hermitage results in a passed out pup in the cold rain drizzled grass of my mini meadow.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
mmm. my new steel tip pretties!
yay! I may actually be the easiest woman to shop for...ever! thanks for me new glass (steel tipped) slippers bro!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
yay opening. not so far off :)
Opening Friday, January 18, 6-11pm
Artist talk @ 6:30 pm
Art League Houston
1953 Montrose Blvd
Houston, TX 77006
it is true, she may actually be the best dog ever!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
ahhh, my new portable pretty
finally broke down and replaced my pancake with one that rolls and occupies the same floor space. yay! ok well, truth be told, I did spill a gallon of wood glue across the control panel of my pancake and I just couldn't rescue it from what ran down into the control panel. my bad. great excuse to get a rolling compressor which is incredibly helpful since work location is dependent on project.
Friday, December 14, 2012
test run for upcoming exhibition
a test run for a sense of scale of chair to space (11') at art league houston (opening January 18, 2013). yay, it visually fits with the slick gray floor providing a fabulous contrast. bonus, i can see how the lighting will extend the work visually. i previously measured, measurements are important to get the work through the door but don't really give me a feel for how the work occupies the space. over the next couple of weeks, i will explode apart a table constructed from doors. for the first time every (besides the magnificent Dean Liscum, the art slave, writer and real job holder, and the wonderous Michael Henderson, who probably helped me load or unload almost every show I've had), i will be using studio assistants to complete my work. i have mixed feelings about this because i love to make the work, get dirty and sense my way along. i simply can't do all that i imagine in the time frame i have and the various other academic tasks i have laid out before me for my christmas "break." i suppose i wouldn't have it any other way. but there are definitely times i wish i were a painter and cashed in the winning lotto (not really). i am looking forward to my studio assistants' help and company (some of my past students). it will be a first for me.
it is interesting working on a show that i proposed so long ago (2009). i can see by reviewing my original proposal how i thought healing would come much quicker than reality and faster than statistics indicated (4-5:1 ratio...like statistically clockwork I am coming out of the other side. not sure how i feel about being statistically predictable). the show, as originally and still titled, the uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of), was intended to uncover the full grief process, moving from dark to light. instead the show, in its current form, will simply bare witness to the unbearable weightiness of grief and the burden of unforgiveness.
it is interesting working on a show that i proposed so long ago (2009). i can see by reviewing my original proposal how i thought healing would come much quicker than reality and faster than statistics indicated (4-5:1 ratio...like statistically clockwork I am coming out of the other side. not sure how i feel about being statistically predictable). the show, as originally and still titled, the uncontrollable nature of grief and forgiveness (or lack there of), was intended to uncover the full grief process, moving from dark to light. instead the show, in its current form, will simply bare witness to the unbearable weightiness of grief and the burden of unforgiveness.
on a separate note, a fun surprise was throwing the chair into the space with the current artists' work in place prepared for tonights opening. it gave me ideas for future derivatives inspired by chalkboard like structures, dryer ducting. just good eye candy that allows me to think differently about how i normally work. mmm. nice.
Monday, December 10, 2012
a blessing
may each year be better than the one that lay before it
may you listen to your longing to be free.
may the frames of your belonging be large enough for the dreams of your soul.
may you arise each day with a voice of blessing whispering in your heart that something good is going to happen to you.
may you find harmony between your soul and your life.
may the mansion of your soul never become a haunted place.
may you know the eternal longing which lives at the heart of time.
may there be kindness in your gaze when you look within.
may you never place walls between the light and yourself.
may [God's touch] free you from the prison of guilt, fear, disappointment, and despair.
may you allow the wild beauty of the invisible world gather you, mind you, and embrace you in belonging.
most sincerely, kathy
written by John O'Donohue
may the frames of your belonging be large enough for the dreams of your soul.
may you arise each day with a voice of blessing whispering in your heart that something good is going to happen to you.
may you find harmony between your soul and your life.
may the mansion of your soul never become a haunted place.
may you know the eternal longing which lives at the heart of time.
may there be kindness in your gaze when you look within.
may you never place walls between the light and yourself.
may [God's touch] free you from the prison of guilt, fear, disappointment, and despair.
may you allow the wild beauty of the invisible world gather you, mind you, and embrace you in belonging.
most sincerely, kathy
written by John O'Donohue
Sunday, December 09, 2012
chubby bunnies, such an attractive game
a pre and post big shish kabob and marshmallow roasting thank you evening for my TAs (we call them mentors)
Monday, December 03, 2012
The art object simply as an access point to the splintering path oftomorrow
the art object, so what! the artifact itself simply residue of its making like the sound of a word hovering in space as it slowly dissapates after the conversation wans. my walls stand bare of artifacts and trinkification housing only structural breaches to allow in the light. once they bore flattened memories of people compressed there but now those same frames stacked attic bound are vacant of a twenty three year gap of content. but that is another subject. art as object, art as occupier of space, art as aesthetic eye or brain candy, or even tactile sensual pleasure are largely meaningless impotent artifacts and acts. the act of making, of production, is perhaps a method of articulation, of forming and interpreting thoughts and experiences. this method bent dumps me in the category of process artists, yet that doesn't quite fit, is not quite right. the processes and materiality are more about a hunting, a snapping into focus the ideations and processed memories that lay just out of cognitive reach. through the intuitive collection and manipulation of materials within real space, i access what is elusive. yes. it creates an odd portal to my self and opens a lens to the web that connects me to the outer world, that incessant pulsing of the living. making thus functions as an impotus that bumps me over the threshold of a kind of knowing into a space of articulation that i can then perceive. So it is not about voice, but my access and understanding to and of life content. It is not even a how I say, not voice, but what is it i say, not necessarily a talking to other but an unpacking of story, of concept, of processed memory, of feelings, of knowledge for my own use--a use of navigation through and around my histories, a guidance in interpreting the day, and a direction into the passages that splinter at the horizon of my tomorrow.
The art object and its making are irrelevant if it does not lead me into life, into this moment, into connection. (8/12)
The art object and its making are irrelevant if it does not lead me into life, into this moment, into connection. (8/12)
Sunday, December 02, 2012
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