that i am
brave to fight my terror
that i am
forthright to fight my hypocrisy
this feels right and then they asked about my rebellion and i don't know the answer. i do know that i rebel. but i think all these concepts/feelings/behaviors tie together bravery and terror, forthrightness and hypocrisy. they seem to be both the light and dark side of my rebellion. i say dark and light because some rebellion is needed, is good, especially in our culture which as a whole distracts, diverts and pacifies us from actually paying attention to what is happening around us--so that we do not rebel. so rebellion in me is needed, but it also is destructive when i rebel against good things within me and others, when i rebel as a defense from an imaginary foe.
am i rebellious to fight artificial constructs of oppression both culturally and within my self?
am i rebellious to hide my fear, my terror?
where does my rebellion come from?
how do i use it for good? how do i stop using it as a shield, a deflection, against others and myself?
2 comments:
the further i get away from home the more my rebellion has been dissipating. it is as though my rebellion was not my own? this makes no sense to me. So I ask myself where did my rebellion come from? what was my rebellion about? why? When I begin to explore these questions, it makes me very sad and i find myself weeping all over again.
Yes. The rebellion has dwindle. What was it's cause for so long. I do not understand.
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