my attachments have always run extremely deep

I'd say I am good at hiding this, attempt to pretend it isn't so. a material shuffle surely leads to deep heart felt pangs and tears as I touch each object and realign it in my microforest studio. it drives it all home. well i did drive a good bit of it. I hate working with water leaking from my face. I have learned to be more orderly in my various grief processes (ha), I have learned to be more self contained as though I am a fully bound and autonomous entity, but it simply isn't so, so I leak deeply as I shuffle.

I really haven't gotten down the Buddhist practice of non attachment. I get the idea but at some level it seems like bunk. I attach. I suppose much in the same way some believe in closure, which I think as well is bunk. things that connect don't need amputated in most cases; change, sure. amputated, no. bunk to absolute closures. bunk. bunk. bunk.

and so I sit my butt down to lunch on jalepena deer sausage simmered in Sierra Nevada pale ale and read some theory on the pad.