as with a magnifying glass, the intensity of focused light on that which withers will burn!

What happens emotionally and behaviorally between partners during the dissolution, the death, of their relationship is a direct magnification of the patterns of behavioral and emotional interaction that were the historical rhythms of the partnership--style of communication, conflict resolution or lack of, forgiveness or lack of, approaches to healing, defense mechanisms, underlying beliefs about the self and the partner, ability to trust, ability to give and receive acts of love, ability to take responsibility for one's own actions or blame, need to control or be controlled, handling of painful emotions of anger, grief, rage, dissociative habits, and the transference of others identities from one's childhood and their woundings onto the partner. The divorce process magnifies the problematic areas of each partners relational habits. This is important for the healing process if one chooses to evaluate their own actions, attitudes, and feelings. This horrifically intense magnifying glass is an opportunity to see where one has been blind to one's own actions and inactions. One must, or i choose to, look for goodness in spite of tragedy. And Yes, the interaction between the partners needs evaluated but more in terms of forgiveness for the self and the partner and for healing.