i cannot mend or heal others

i will take care of myself
i will do what it takes to secure
my own mental and spiritual health

i cannot mend or heal others
i cannot please others at this point
i have not been able to express
the actions i know i am accountable for
or make amends or offers of reconciliation
in ways that bring a healing balm
to anyone else's wounds

i will communicate directly, timely and
as responsibly as i am able
i will attempt to honor others and their wishes
but at the same time my main task right now is
to preserve my own mental and spiritual health

there is nothing graceful about defense
there is nothing beautiful about defense
there is nothing honoring about defense
i find defense horrendous and that i am
in a position that i must do just that
harms me however i will stand up
i will defend myself if need be
i will do it as gently as i know how

and God will preserve me through this
and God will preserve others through this