the line between engagement and disengagement is very narrow for me--the same tasks that move me toward attentive responsiveness and strength, particularly writing and making, may easily be co-opted by my Eeyore hemisphere of mind sending me plummeting into a state of "oh bothers." sometimes, with the shifting moon, my mind is functioning purely under the influence and not from it's potential Eeyore conditioning and not of alcohol, but the waning fluctuating chemistry of femininity. I'd say tmi but the realities of its turbulence are a bit much to sweep under--damn right of passage into the circles of my grand girl friends. I find this chemical induction extremely problematic and wish my body would just get on with it. though the fertile crescent of youth was hampered by a little emotional ride cyclical in pattern, it was by far nothing compared to being freaking damn perimenapausal. :$"#**>>€%#!!!<{%%¥*!
the books, the research, the emerging contemplative movement in the church, creative pursuits, all suggest listening to the body as a major part of the path to being connected, awake. damn. that's all hunky doory when I am not operating under the influence! today the chemical imbalance has diminished, the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign and it is now safe to move about the cabin. wheels down. time to re-engage with living.
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